Organic Half & Half

A paradox is when something contradicts itself. I think the great paradox of God is the fact that we have no clue what He IS doing or WILL do and at the same time God is unchanging. In the midst of being so unpredictable God is consistent. Always the same.

The world and all the struggles of life can piss me off. I mean really anger me. I often have days where the only way to say it nice is to simply say, “People bother me.” And at times I just want to yell. To stand on the top of a mountain and scream at the top of my lungs why are you doing what you are doing God? Why do so many die of Aids? How come people have to drink filthy water? Do you honestly have to let so much heart break happen?

Some people use expressions like “the arrows are attacking me” when referring to Satan turning up the heat. When the Evil one is just beating you down, it’s those times the arrows come. To me there are days it’s more like my head is being held under water. It’s those days that anger me. Because my frustrations come from trusting this world and having confidence in those things that are never the same.

When I’m alone with myself and my thoughts I realize how wicked I really am. If I’m honest with myself I’m a deceitful and disgusting person. And that’s when I am humbled. Because God is committed to that. He’s loving to that which is about as useful as a pile of elephant dung.

I struggle in my faith because I’ve allowed myself to believe that God’s Goodness is dependent on what He does. I wait for RESULTS to know God. I seek comfort and great things to happen to understand who God is. And there in lies the paradox. Because God is so unpredictable in what he DOES. He works in such impossible and mysterious ways. But here is the sweet part. He is the same. He is always the same. He NEVER changes. That is the paradigm shift that knocks me off my feet today. I am so weak and I’ve looked to what is happening to ME and in my little world and I’ve not looked to WHO God is.

Security. Comfort. Being safe. The known. A planned out life. Ah, those thoughts are so soothing. I drink those words and realize I’m drinking a cup of sand hoping it will quench my thirst. It’s simply not true. They are all lies that tell us our peace is found in having our lives “together”. So here’s what I’m just dipping my toes in. I can’t be secure in the actions of God. I can only find peace in God himself. In who He is. In trusting He won’t change and will always be faithful. I look to the last 3 years of my life and see something special. I notice that God has been the same. All my relationships with people have not. Hmmm.

God wants to be a paradox I think. Because He wants to do the Amazing. He desires to flip us on our head. You know, the walk on water parting seas kind of impossible. He wants to redeem those that are found unworthy because He wants to show that it IS possible through Him. He works in the extraordinary because it’s then we stop and mumble, “only God.” I guess the problem with that in my world is I don’t get credit. And I also have no control. But it’s only in trusting the Kindess of God that I find joy. That’s how I find joy in moments of life that scream for me to just give the world the Bird. It’s how I find peace in all of lifes shit.

Broken marriages. Drug addicts. Those addicted to porn. A tongue that can’t stop sharing the gossip that tears people down. A cold heart. Shopping to build up a debt that never satisfies. Looking to people to bring us happiness. It’s the impossibles. How does God use this? I’m learning to not trust the things God is doing because I see now that He is so upside down. But I sit quietly resting in the Goodness. Did you know God is the only one in my life that has never given up on me? I’ve come to Him and told Him horrible things. And shared with Him parts of my heart that I’m ashamed of. He doesn’t even flinch. Not even skips a beat. :deep breathe: I never have to explain or prove myself. That’s refreshing.

So I have no clue what just spilled out into words but hopefully someone can make some sense. I guess to make miracles happen you have to do something that has never been done before. It’s a miracle because it blows your mind. The fact God can use me is just that…a miracle. And the peace I find today comes not in how He pulls off the miracle but in the fact that I know He will. God is Kind…He is very very Kind. I have no clue what He’ll do next, but I know He’ll be Kind…He will always be Good

SB

So last night while in the vibrant orange town of Auburn I dined and chatted with the locals. I experienced and enjoyed 2 things I’ve never had before and I like that. I like new. I like trying out the local flavor and creating memories…

First was Doritos Nachos. It’s been at least 2 years since I’ve put these triangle snacks in my mouth but “when in Rome…” A little dive called Mamma G’s serves up nachos like none other. Doritos pilled with melted pepper jack cheese and jalapenos. Yum.

Later in the night I enjoyed a Chai Tea Latte. Now most of you have probably had this wonderfully mellow drink but I bet you haven’t had it like this. Instead of milk I asked for it to be made with their brew of the day. So the next time you crave Chai think java instead of milk. Yum.

I’m ready to get back to REAL food. But for the moment I’ll savor…and go create more memories.

SB

Well, when my blogging Miyagi speaks I jump. Here are my 6 random facts:

1. I’m a 1st degree black belt. So don’t mess with me because I can ju-do flip you on your head. I can no longer to the Jean Claude Van Dame splits on 2 chairs but I can still give a mean, “Hi-ya!”

2. Before my Organic Days eating SPAM was a regular event. Fried SPAM with rice. With eggs. Don’t knock it till you’ve tried I always say. I still think its great but it’s not exactly on the OH&H things to eat any more. Oh SPAM how I miss thee.

3. I spoke Korean before I spoke English. Pretty crazy huh? But when I came to the States I didn’t want anything to do with Korean. Just like a good American does I said screw the world and everything in it…America does everything the best and our way is supreme! I also speak a small amount of Romanian.

4. I have a fascination with stealing. Not little things like electronics and clothes. More like Italian Job or Ocean’s Eleven kind of stealing. The big heist if you will. If I wasn’t a Christian that’s what I would do. Form a team that takes millions from the rich and then gives millions to the…well, to our bank accounts in Switzerland. We’re not Christians remember?

5. If I wasn’t already considered so metro-sexual I would carry a purse. That’s right a man bag. I just think it would be great. I’m always dealing with my wallet, keys, phone, and on occassion my Burt’s Bees Wax. If I had a purse I wouldn’t ever have to worry about how my ass looks when I’m wearing tight jeans and my wallet looks like an abnormal growth. The purse would be the answer. But since I’ve been considered a gorgeous gay man in some circles I’ll instead think of maybe investing in a messenger bag.

6. I’ve dressed in drag before. Ok, so maybe I shouldn’t have put this random fact after #5 but how random is it that in 2000 my good buddy Keas and I road tripped to Chicago and while we were there we dressed in drag. To make a long story short, his sister was a photographer for the city and she spent a lot of time in the gay community. One night we went with her to take photos in an all Black (do you capitalize black? or should I have said African American?) drag club. That’s right, we went clubbin’ with the Queens. Picture a room of 200 black men and women and some that you weren’t quite sure of…and then us. 2 white folks and a 1/2 Korean. Great show and I was confused at times, but it made for a great memory. Dressing in drag came the next day when we were at the wig/dress store most of our friends from the previous night shop at. No pictures to show at this time. Why? Because I had much junk in the trunk and if I’m being honest with my random facts I have to tell you that a picture of me overweight in a glittery dress is more disturbing then funny.

SB

There’s nothing more that I love then when I find a one of a kind place to enjoy food and drink. On my journey from Houston to Waco I decided to stop in Aggieland other wise known as College Station, TX. I needed some free wifi and a place to catch up on work so I took a pit stop at Sweet Eugenes House of Java. It is hidden jems like this that upset me that I live in the Big D that is yet to prove they can have even 1 coffee house close to the caliber Sweet Eugenes is.

I think an essential element a coffee houses has to be a cozy feel. If you walk in and it’s not welcoming then you just won’t stay long. It’s set up for grabbing your coffee and leaving. Starbucks ::cough::. That’s why big open spaces never work. But Sweet Eugenes pulls it off. It’s probably one of the largest coffee houses I’ve been to. Part of their large size is due to the fact they roast thier own green beans on site.

Ambiance. This place gets 5 stars. It’s got a hoge poge feel to it with old street lamps and many differet couches. There are people laying on leather couches reading and some studying at little cafe style tables that have mixed matched chairs. Behind every corner is a new little room filled with unique flavor and design. One room has an entire wall with old books that make it feel like a library you’d find in an old dusty mansion. Another room has a big opening in the wall so you can see right into the next room. Multi-color lights hanging from the wall and tin knights standing tall in a corner. Brick walls and tshirts that say “I spent the night with Euguene”. Classic place and the coffee was better than your average brew. I did notice what looked like a crepe station and the desserts looked yum.

Other notables:
Houston - Diedrichs Coffee: caramel fudge cheesecake
Waco - Common Grounds: cowboy coffee

SB

So I’ve been wanting to post about this forever but I never have the time. If anyone has connections with wealthy people who would like to have me blog every day and would pay me for it then please let me know. I think I would like that job. I’ve enjoyed writing for OH&H and you might think I’m crazy but I’ve started to enjoy the world of book reading. That’s right, reading. I’m contemplating 2 books: Henry David Thoreau “Cape Cod” or do I read “To Kill A Mockingbird”. Now I remember TKAM in high school and I remember not liking it. Wait, maybe that I was because I never read it. I have always hated reading. STOP: I’m writing about HEMP I SCREAM. PLAY: so let me continue…

Do you see the picture of this man? Crazy looking dude huh? Well, lets just say he makes the meanest ice cream sandwich you’ve ever tasted. And it’s not even real ice cream. It’s Hemp! That’s right, ganja. Weed, pot, Mary Jane, (please post if you have other names for it). And I have been able to get them at my local Whole Foods. If your local WF does not carry it then ask them to get it. They are made in Boulder, CO and it’s D-liciousoso! I promise

So find it. And enjoy with a tall glass of organic milk. Or better yet with a hot cup of organic coffee. Have I shared that I drink my coffee black? It’s a whole new world (queue Aladdin soundtrack). Take a break from your stressful week and enjoy something sweet. You deserve it. Hemp I Scream that melts in your mouth with the slightest bit of crunchy yet chewy cookie taste…That’s good eatin!

SB

Do you ever stop and realize how seductive and sexy the world is? With all its wireless and immediate satisfactions. My wife and I went on a much needed vacation and it wasn’t until we detached from the world that we realized how strong its grip is. When we got to the cabin we taped up all the clocks and had zero concept of time. When’s the last time you went 5 days without knowing what time it is? We turned off the lights at night and only had candle light as we read. That’s right, no movies or TV. Life was simple. We often took deep breathes and exhaled what seemed to be a years worth of stress. The world tempts. And it competes for our attention every day. I confess I often lose. But on this trip I think I might have won. So I think I’ll take that small victory and cling to it until I’m once again caught up in a whirlwind of Tivo and quick meals without any real conversation.

Here is a small glimpse of what STRESS FREE looks like.

SB

The Christian life can be very confusing. I find it such because those that don’t follow Christ think one way about Christians and those that claim to be Believers feel there is a big misconception about what a Christian is about. Some people hate church. Those that are in church often don’t REALLY know why they are actually there. Conferences, books, sermons, and bible studies. It gets confusing. Some Christians don’t drink. Some love Dos XX with lime. Some don’t kiss until the honeymoon and some enjoy smoking Monte Cristo #2’s. There are those Christians that are on a mission to find a vaccine for gays and some who cheat on their wife. Some Christians live with the poor and many agonize where to give THEIR 10%. Do Christian’s pray for “purpose” or “blessings”? It just gets confusing.

What if it was more simple? What if only 2 things mattered? And what if these 2 things were tattooed, ugly or not, to the identiy of what a Christian is. Forgiveness and love. What if every Sunday and every gathering and every time you had a conversation there were only 2 questions?

Who are you forgiving that you probably shouldn’t?
Who are you loving that is hard to love?

Wouldn’t that be insane if the big middle finger was given to everything else we think is important…and we just looked to these 2 simple, yet complex things.

Wonder what that would be like?

SB