Have you noticed how sometimes your greatest strength is also your greatest weakness? For me it couldn’t be more true. When God created me He chose to give me something that is probably the one thing that sets me apart in both a good and bad way. Passion. You could describe me as an “Extreme Extremist”. Over the past several years I’ve realized that this has been my downfall because I began to enjoy the bad passion more than the good. It’s kind of like a garden hose that has been turned on full blast. The only problem is I am not holding the hose. So its dancing like a snake swerving left and right getting everything wet but the garden. Sure the water is a GOOD thing. But not when it soaks the house, the grill, windows, and even myself. I’ve realized that I must grab a hold of the hose and point it TOWARDS the flowers. I can’t just let my passions go and sit back. Why is focusing our passions so hard to do?

I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do - this I keep on doing.

Unless you are from another planet or a Baptist, you read these powerful words to those in Rome and track 100%. For as long as you can remember you’ve struggled. You battle with the choice of doing the right thing when the wrong thing is just so much more appetizing. I can recall time after time the moments in my life where I showed the perfect side of my life. All was right with the world and Mr. Blue Bird was on my shoulder. The truth of it all is that those bad passions are so irresistable and they often come from no where punching us like a quick right hook. When its time to bow our heads we feel as if we can walk on water, and then behind close doors we sink, having no faith at all. Anger consumes us. Grudges get the better of us. Gossip becomes the itch we have to scratch. Or is it scratch we have to itch? Lust clings to us like a shadow. And all the while we seem to find pleasure in it all.

Maybe it’s because of that feeling. At the peak of our bad passions we see all of the world. That moment brings upon us a sensation that takes away all the bad feelings we are dealing with. We are no longer fat or unwanted. Our fears melt away like ice cream on a hot day. Control. We feel important. Power. No one is more important. Happiness. We smile and forget about past abuse or relationships that went wrong. Alive. And things seem perfect and those things that hurt are no longer an issue . So we keep on…

We eat another dessert. We keep looking at porn. We continue to talk about others negatively. We drink till it feels better. We smoke all our feelings away. We eat. Matsturbate. Take another hit. Cry. Throw up. Manipulate. Laugh…at ourselves. We make our lives look perfect. Controlling all things in our lives, even the people we love. And as much as we hate the bad passions in our lives it is that feeling we seem to not be able to forget. It’s that temporary joy sin gives us that we crave.

In the past 18 months I’ve been blessed to hear the real stories of hurting people. A gay man searching for hope. A woman who danced for money, afraid of the baby that was on its way. A girl who committed adultry. A guy who just couldn’t shake the strangle hold of porn. A drug addict who watched a family walk away. A girl who cried herself to sleep every night because of her figure. A man who beat his 1 year old son. A guy dealing with sexual addiction, struggling to find a job. And many more stories of hurt and pain. What I’ve told every single person is the same thing I tell myself. Don’t wait to be healed. Don’t wait to get your life together. Don’t wait to find God in the midst of the storm. Because if you do, you miss something special. You miss the chance to see a God that very few get to see.

Simply put…Life’s a bitch. The sooner you realize that you can’t be healed is when you begin to heal. As long as there is good and evil there will be struggle. Such is life. The focus can never be to clean up and get perfect in order to find God. It’s when we choose to look for Him in the midst of the chaos. It’s then that we experience God pursue us not because of what we offer but because we are His.

So we share our stories. The truth. We sit down with a friend and hot coffee. And we share. We reveal those things that have rooted so deep we forgot it was there. We struggle. And we admit we are scared. Maybe for the first time we feel. And it’s in these moments of real life that we take a deep breathe and let out what seems to be hurt that’s ruled our lives. Ah yes! Good passion. A passion that seeks a joy that is not for a moment but that is lasting. And we enjoy the journey of not getting it right or even knowing what we are looking for. I pray you will experience that which I have enjoyed recently. And I hope you share it with those closest to you. To begin living life for maybe the very first time.

SB