The last 3 years of my life has been filled with many struggles and heartbreaks. And my one prayer through it all has been a prayer to find Truth. If Christ said that when we find truth it would set us free then well that’s what I wanted. I wanted to know what that meant because my heart was far from set free. So here are excerpts of thoughts I’ve had over the past 3 years. It may not make sense but maybe if your past or present is filled with broken hearts or big screw ups then maybe this will help just a little.
The Truth is a story about Redemption. Big word for a simple meaning. I think it simply means we were taken care of. Every story, person, or event in the bible is some how tied into this prevailing thought that God is passionately coming after us to make things right. He is coming to be our Hero. Sounds very Hollywood but you know what?I like that. And I think that’s what it is. This so called Bible is one big love story. Of a Good God who wants to give His children the very best thing for usnot to make our lives nice, neat, and comfortablebut to satisfy our hearts. God desires more than anything in the world to satisfy our aching heart. And He knows the only thing that will satisfy it is Him
and way way way down in the deep parts of my heart I want it to be real. Why? Because my heart hurts. My heart aches for a love like this. I’ve tried to find this love. I’ve searched in relationships and couldn’t find it. Hoped power would bring fullness and that left me just as empty. I grasped at this idea that ministry and doing God’s work MUST bring about this satisfactionand all my efforts to make this love happen in my life just seemed like a big waste of my time. And in the midst of trying to figure out this whole story of Truth I realized one simple thing. I’m not living in the story. See, I’ve just shared this story for a long time and in doing so it just became another story. One for the ages. A story that happened a long time ago in a far off place where fairy tales happen. And it became more about a King that once conquered death and not a Savior that lives today. Hmmm, how could something so simple make such a difference?…
and isn’t that what we all want? Christian or notisn’t that what we’re all seeking. Work, money, fame, success, relationshipsthe list goes on. We want to worship something and we want that worship to make our heart full. To make our souls warm and secure and complete. Isn’t that what everyone seeks?…
and I hurt today more than anything because I haven’t shared this Story more. Not about a Jesus who can save your lost lifeBut a Savior that has saved mine. "By His Stripes I am Healed." Is that truly the only story I have? I can’t keep trying to think I know about your sins and what you’re going through. I can’t own up to anyone elses wrongbut I do know mine. I don’t knowbut when my life becomes a story of being redeemed because I can’t get this life rightthen I wonder how different my life will look? When its quiet at night, and everyone has gone to bedwhen I can’t be fake it because there is no one aroundthat’s when I knowI’m messed up
…when Jesus speaks for the first time on why he has come he says this from Isaiah 61:
"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because He anointed me to preach GOOD NEWS to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim FREEDOM for the prisoners and recovery of SIGHT for the BLIND, to RELEASE the oppressed.."
In Isaiahit also says to bind up the brokenhearted, to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes the oil of gladness instead of mourning Wow! Amazing! And you know what? I’m that personI’m the brokenhearted and the one that’s in prison. This whole time I’ve read the story and got excited about the fact that Jesus has come to save those that need Him
myselfishness and pride caused me to miss that person in need of a Savior was myself
because the scary thing is that I think I can live my life without ever being "set free" and it would be a good life. It would have success, a good church, nice friends, and all the sweet Christian accessories to go along with this perfect lifebut then would that be all life is about?…
..I have lived too long a life talking about cheap grace, teaching about semi-joy, and worshipping a small God. And in that time I have found glory, success, great feelings, and fame. Broken I see that my life has only brought emptiness to where the deep parts of my heart is asking, "Is this it?" And in some small or big way I think people every day ask, "Is this it?" Once againI have no answers. I have no formulas or ways to make this all come to a close and to make everything better
but I do have a story to share. A story that is full of love, adventure, excitement, tears, heartbreak, and an ending that tops all in the box office
what that means to me is that my heart wants to say thank you. Thank you to the Lover that has fought a war for me and rescued me. I am rescued today and I want to tell you about it. I want to share with everyone that I am set free
I am far from perfect but I am set free, my heart is set free
I want to meet someone who struggles with alcohol or drug problems. I want to sit down and share life with a homosexual or one that has been hurt by divorce. I want to hold hands with someone who feels shame from an abortion or is dealing with greed. I can’t wait to find that person who has been having sex with people to find fulfillment in relationships. I can’t waitbecause when that happens I just want to hug them. And to hold them. And tell them this: "I don’t have any answers to make the problems in your life go away. I can’t find a solution to make your world a better place. But I can share with you something that will fill that hole in your heart. I do want to tell you about my storya story of grace and love. And I just want you to know today that I love you and more importantly God is crazy about you."
If I’m honest with myself I don’t want this feeling to go away. And today is the first day I pray that I never forget my sin. That I will never forget I am desperate for God
that I would never ever forget what has made me experience God like I have. If it takes a crushed life then I pray God you crush me. If it takes humility then I pray God you humble me. If you have to take everything away from my life again because my sins are so greatthen I pray God you take it all. And leave me nothing but your Grace, leave me nothing but your love, leave me nothing but You. And then and only then Godwill I truly be satisfied.
SB
