Part 1 of 2:
This is a story I’ve shared with many and have enjoyed the laughters of how far from smooth I was back in the day. Good thing times have changed ☺ Everyone remembers what it was like to go on your first date. Or the euphoria you felt on the best kiss ever. I bet everyone even smiles a bit thinking of the bad dates. As for me my worst date ever will go down in history as the day I vowed to never ever sneak into a sold out movie again.
I was the young age of 17 years old. With only 12 months of driving under my belt, I had been on very few real dates. Now I would like to pause early in this story to share with those that didn’t know me in high school that there was not an ounce of cool in me. Yes I wore Abercrombie & Fitch and sprinkled on the Cool Water but I also played the tuba and drove a 1989 Ford Tempo GL…with chrome hub caps. So when I asked Angela (made up name to protect the innocent) one of the hottest girls at L.V. Berkner High School out on a date, the dork in me was already prepared for rejection. So you can imagine my surprise when she said she’d love to go out Friday night.
Could this be happening? I’m honestly going to be going out with a hot girl? Angela was everything a guy like me desired. Petite, long hair, and a body that would…(insert sound of car slamming on brakes)…so lets just say she was b-e-autiful. ☺ I washed the Tempo (w/ automatic seat belts), took 2 showers, and gargled with Scope just in case (wink,wink). I picked Angela up and presented her with a single rose. I planned on doing everything right even though my nerves made me sweat like an elephant in heat. By the time I opened the first door for Angela I think my back was already wet and my underwear was damp. “Stay calm,” I told myself. But how could I? This was a night I was never suppose to forget.
Our first stop was Macaroni Grill. I know, I’m a smooth operator aren’t I? You can’t get better than great Italian food AND drawing on the table. We ordered our food and I tried to make small talk. I’m sure I mumbled and didn’t make sense because every time I looked across the table I was silenced by her smile. To this day I swear that someone slipped a Roofy pill into my iced tea because when the food arrived I stepped into another world for 5 min. The waiter placed both of our plates in front of us and asks me if I’d like Parmesan cheese with my pasta. I reply, “yes.” And that’s when the drug took over. Because for some crazy reason I did not hear the waiter say, “Say when.” So he just keeps piling on the cheese and turning that crank to create a mound of white stuff on my plate. I felt like Will Ferrell in Old School when he gets hit with the tranquilizer dart. Everything was in slow mode and nothing would come out. I just stared at my plate and Angela is looking at me with confusion. And the waiter runs out of cheese and says, “Hold on, I’ll go get more.” At this point I realize what has happened. I missed the: Say When. He walks away and Angela says, “You know you’re suppose to say When???” Flustered I pull myself together and calmly say, “I know.” But now I’m out there…the guy is coming back and I’ve told Angela I’m a freak that loves cheese so I have to let him put more cheese on before I say those words. He starts firing away and subtly I let out a quiet, “When.”
The date would have been fine if that was the only whack thing that happened that night. But it wasn’t. There was still a movie left. And what comes next will not only shock you but hopefully make you laugh.
To be continued…
